Just lying here in my bed listening to this B's Me, Myself, and I on the radio. It's my favorite song by her actually. It got me to thinking, sometimes I'd rather be alone than to grow close to a friend and have to deal or struggle of the relationship going sour.
And I'm just talking about regular friendships, not relationships with men...that's another post in itself. Not going there today...
I have friends, associates, and co-workers I hang with from time to time. But I always find myself pulling away at some point with some. I'll hang out for a few weekends then I'll go back into my shell and begin doing things alone like I normally do because I know I'll never dissapoint myself.
My very best friend of about 8 years lives only 3 or 4 hours away and although we've both improved with communicating, I need to make more of an effort to visit and call more often..
I really need to work on maintaining and building relationships.
I get it. I know I'm not the type of person that has to be in a group to go to a play, a poetry reading, or the movies. But, being socially independent can have its downfalls. (Side Note: I am a bit of a punk in flying solo when it comes to happy hours or an event at a lounge/club or something like that.)
Yes, I've been hurt by close friends. But that's life right? I can't cheat myself out of lasting friendships because of a few idiots. I'm a people person. I like to talk and connect. I need to embrace that part of my personality again.
I've been doing a lot of thinking about life. Last week I had a car accident that could have ended up worse than it did. I realize that there are so many people out there that care about me. There's more to life than holding onto hurts and being bitter about the past. It's time to let go of all that and live the life that's planned for me.
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